Joke Title: Signs You Have A Drinking Problem
  • You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
  • You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
  • Job interferring with your drinking.
  • Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
  • Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
  • The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
  • Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group
  • 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
  • Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
  • When you can focus better with one eye closed.
  • The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
  • Every woman you see has an exact twin
  • You fall off the floor...
  • Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
  • Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
  • The glass keeps missing your mouth!
  • Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
  • Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
  • At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
  • Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
  • You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
  • The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
  • You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women].
  • Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
  • Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
  • I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFER!!!!!!
  • Roseanne looks good.
  • Don't recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
  • That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
  • Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
  • You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
  • I'm as jober as a sudge.
  • You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
  • You've fallen and you can't get up.
  • When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle - please pass the ice pack....
  • BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
  • The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
  • Your name is Ted Kennedy.