Joke Title: The Christmas Diet?
As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1
degree centigrade.


Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat
a very cold dessert this Christmas (generally consisting of
water in large part), the natural processes which raise the
consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive
cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available
source: your body fat.


For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C
(32.2 deg. F) will in a short time be raised to the normal
body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram
of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37
calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6
oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic
law, 6,216 calories (1 cal/gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 gms) are
extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is
normalized. Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the
dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000
calories.


Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat on Christmas Day,
the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight,
if that is your goal.


This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses during the college bowl system.


Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus, the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.


Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running/jogging hands down.


Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature) induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.