The Top 10 Signs the Antichrist is a Vegetarian

9. Local organic gardens finding unprecedented crop yield when planted in a pentagram configuration.

8. The new line of Satan's Own salad dressings ("All after-tax profits go to Hell").

7. As the apocalypse begins, every Outback Steakhouse is reduced to a pile of cinders.

6. His black shroud is really just an XXXL "Meat is Murder" T-shirt turned inside out.

5. Tofu burritos are in short supply whenever he's in town.

4. Gardenburger now offers patties in the shape of a Christian child.

3. Has started ordering his disciples to cut back on the goat sacrifices in favor of a vegan alternative.

2. At his restaurant, International House of Tofu (IHOT), it's $6.66 for the burrito dinner.

... and the #1 Sign the Antichrist is a Vegetarian:

1. Instead of fishermen, his disciples are lactose intolerant acrylic fleece sweater makes.