Joke Title: The Rules of Eating Chocolate
  • If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
  • Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
  • The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
    The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
  • Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
  • If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
    Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
  • If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
  • Money talks. Chocolate sings.
  • Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
  • Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
    A: Because no one wants to quit.
  • Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
  • A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
  • If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?