Joke Title: The Coffee Test
  1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
  2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's easier?
  3. Have you ever waken up in a puddle of your own coffee?
  4. Do you find that it's easier to drink more coffee than to go to sleep?
  5. Have you ever drank cold coffee?
  6. Right out of the pot?
  7. Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?
  8. Has anyone ever told you that you "have a problem"?

    Do you need coffee:
     
  9. ...to get up in the morning?
  10. ...to get out of bed?
  11. ...to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?
  12. Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you "Ona mac towanda" (Smells-like-coffee)?
  13. Does the phrase "Swiss water decaffeinated" strike terror into your heart?
  14. Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
  15. ...in more than five?
  16. ...in your bathroom?
  17. Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free coffee cards anymore?
  18. ...because you're wearing out their hole-punch?
  19. ...and it's bad for the environment?
  20. Do you grind your own coffee?
  21. Do you grow your own coffee?
  22. Do you know Juan Valdez?
  23. ...and his donkey?
  24. ...intimately?
  25. Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water?
  26. Is sleep a hobby of yours?
  27. ...that you don't like?
  28. ...because it's too frustrating?

 

Response Ratio

Addiction Factor

Yes

No

Analysis:

22-28

0-6

You are a well-rounded member of society with a love for life and you are very wise.

15-21

7-13

You are a slightly jagged member of society, life's okay but it could be better and you are relatively naive.

0-15

13-28

What are you, some kinda nature-freak tree-hugger!?
Coffee's not good enough for you, huh? Here, have some more tofu! How about some alfalfa tea?!? You Commie Slime!!!