Joke Title: Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Items Needed:
-------------
4 Oz. Fruit Bits
1 Railroad Tie
Wood Saw
Large Rubber Mallot
Safety Goggles

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES. (Children: Get help from an
adult!)
Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie.
The resulting
block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of
bread.

Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the block
with your rubber
mallot. Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with
an ugly fruitcake. Don't be afraid to throw some elbow grease
into that mallot!
Good fruit bits should be much harder than the railroad tie,
so you can't
break anything.

For best result, you should pre-treat the fruit bits by
setting them on
top of your garage for a year (or by microwaving them on
HIGH for 30
minutes).

Finally, cover it tightly in plastic wrap, and give your
loved ones the
timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake.