Joke Title: Recipe for a Joyous Holiday Meal from the Alternative Gourmet

Whole Roasted Reindeer with Christmas Elf Stuffing

This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining. The list of ingredients is as follows:

  1. 1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire.
  2. 6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable weight.
  3. 8 lbs. celery, finely chopped.
  4. 8 lbs. onions, finely chopped.
  5. 8 lbs. carrots, finely diced.
  6. 1 gallon vodka to numb the elves before you peel them and dice them.
  7. 32 lbs. dry bread crumbs.
  8. 3 gallons chicken stock.
  9. salt, pepper, to taste.
  10. Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire.
  11. 3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer.
  • Saute' the onions, carrots, and celery ina large pan, using some olive oil, until tender.
  • Brown the diced elvesin the same pan until lightly browned.
  • Mix the vegetables, elves, bread crumbs, and the chicken stock, season to taste with pepper, salt and garlic to taste.
  • Stuff the dressing in the reindeer, then sew the deer shut.

As for roasting the whole reindeer; it is usually difficult to find an oven large enough to do the job. So you will have to be creative. My personal favorite is to prop the reindeer up on a neighbor kids wagon. Then roll the whole shebang into the local grouches garage and set fire to the garage. If you can keep the local fire department at bay for 3-4 hours the reindeer will be perfectly done.

This recipe will serve 175-225 hearty alternatively inclined diners.

P.S. Never hunt elves in the same area each year. They have long memories for such little beasties and they won't fall for the vodka trick twice in two years.