Ingredients:

  Amount  Measure       Ingredient -- Preparation Method
--------  ------------  --------------------------------   
   2      cups          buttermilk                          
   2      scoops        vanilla ice cream                   
     1/2  cup           pineapple juice                     
   4      tablespoons   brown sugar                         
   2      cups          milk

Preparation:

Measure all of the ingredients, except the milk, into a blender. Then blend on medium speed until smooth and creamy. Add more ice cream if you like your mucus extra thick. Fill tall glasses with the mixture and refrigerate. Heat the milk in a small pan over medium heat until it begins to boil. Remove from the heat and let it cool until a film develops on its surface. Using a wooden spoon, carefully scoop off the film and place some on top of each milkshake. If you need more mucus, just reheat the remaining milk and repeat this step. Blend chunks of pineapple into your milkshake (for phlegm balls) or red cherries (for blood clots)!